


Other Duties as Required

by Not_Inigo_Montoya



Category: Lore Olympus (Webcomic)
Genre: Episode 77 alternate focus, Gen, Not Beta Read, Off-screen action, not proofread either, she doesn't get turned into a plant at this time, the Furies like to hurt people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22120165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_Inigo_Montoya/pseuds/Not_Inigo_Montoya
Summary: Friday morning, Tisiphone just wanted to go home after working a long and tedious overnight shift.  But then before she could leave, Hecate summoned her to help deal with a situation in a hallway of Tower 3...
Relationships: Hades & Hecate (Lore Olympus), Hades/Hera (Lore Olympus), Hades/Minthe (Lore Olympus)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

Tisiphone was tired and vaguely annoyed.

If she were being honest – which she must, it would be beneath a goddess of her stature to lie, even to herself – she would admit it was not entirely her youngest sister's fault. Just mostly.

It wasn't Megaera's fault those inane security measures had been implemented outside Tartarus she conceded as she grumpily hung her smock on the coat-rack in her Tower 4 office. Bad enough that the brass had decided days later to squeeze a security checkpoint in the Floor 99 hallway just because someone had mysteriously gotten through a door that only locked from one side. No, the belated overreaction to the still-unexplained security breach meant that she, Tisiphone, Goddess of Vengeance, Daughter of Nyx, eldest of the Furies, held in awe by all men mortal and divine, most dread scourge of evil in every realm, had to _wait_ while some insignificant lamia checked her ID every time she exited Tartarus. As if there was any doubt who she was or what business she had in Tartarus, or like one of the mortal shades it was her job to punish could possibly disguise itself as her! It would be laughable if it weren't insulting.

And a waste of her time – especially she all she wanted to do was log her progressing clearing the damned  _trees_ out of there, go home, shower, and squeeze in some sleep before her regular evening shift after she'd worked all night.

Again.

Which was entirely Megaera's fault. Granted, she wasn't the one who'd refused to issue Tartarus clearance to an actual grounds crew and decided to foist the post-breach cleanup on people with more important work to do. But she was the one who'd called out yet again and asked her older sisters to cover for her because she was “sick”. Sick in the head, maybe, switching from ranting to sobbing to creepy cheer without rhyme or reason ever since she'd seen that damn Fatesbook post a few days ago. Tisiphone could pick up her youngest sister's slack, of course, and could have even without Alecto's help. But it was annoying.

“Let's see,” she said to herself as shet sat down at her desk, killed the screen saver, and pulled up the Beancount app. “Killed a tree. Killed a tree. Killed another tree. Killed a tree. Killed yet another Kronos-loving tree. Killed a shrub, killed a tree.” Right, mark ten hours of “Oversee punishment of the damned” as regular time, mark eight hours of “Remove unauthorized vegetation from secure area” as overtime and bill it to Underworld Administration (“I hope this puts you over budget, Hecate!”), hit save, and go home.

“Tisiphone, I need you right away, we have a situation. Tower 3, Floor 42. I'll portal your door,” Hecate said without preamble from the visitor chair in Tisiphone's office.

The tired Fury glanced over. “What?”

“You'll see. Now, please,” Hecate said. “And please come by my office before you leave” she added before her translucent form vanished.

Tisiphone swore and pushed away from her desk. Whatever the “situation” was, it was clearly important if Hecate was going through the effort of simulpresence.

“She gets to be three places at once and I just get two dumb sisters,” Tisiphone grumbled as she stretched herself before stepping into the glowing blackness that had filled her office door.

Tisiphone emerged in the main hallway outside the Fates' rented space in Tower 3. One glance and a flick of a hair's tongue and why Hecate had summoned her was obvious. She moved forward to take her charge into custody even before Hades could pronounce sentence.

“Go home. You're suspended until further notice,” Hecate told the trembling scarlet nymph in the ill-fitting dress as she released her into the Fury's grip.

Ok, why Tisiphone had been summoned was not obvious after all. Apparently Tisiphone was not there to take Minthe (or “Minthe, that bony dried-up prune of a hussy with her stupid lifeless hair and her beady dead eyes and sourpuss mouth who you know can't make Hades happy like I would she doesn't know what joy is she's such a bitchy hateful bitch and she's just a jumped-up gold-digging nymph who seduced her boss who's such a sweet hunk of a God-King, you should have seen his face when he told me 'after you' at the elevator, I just know he wants me and he'd be so much happier with me than with her because I'd love him forever and be so loyal to him forever and I'd have all his adorable little Hades-babies forever and I hate her I hate her I hate Minthe I just want to tear her guts out her face and whip her with them until her skin falls off and she screams and she dies and then she's dead and she can't steal my Hades anymore because she's dead and I hate her so much, etc.” as her delusional sister had dubbed the King's girlfriend) straight to Tartarus.

Which made no sense. Minthe's guilt was clear, Tisiphone didn't need to stir her hair any to taste it. Even lacking the Erinyes' talent to distinguish the fine nuances of Minthe's sins with her hair, Hecate should be able to sense something of the whole melange that wafted from the nymph. Besides, mixed with fresh broken promises, an undertone of stale infidelity, the base of decit, and piquant bursts of emotional abuse, Tisiphone could taste something almost like treason. That meant sins against Hades, and he was right here... doing nothing. Typical.

But Hades's inaction made Hecate's mercy make sense. Chief Operating Officer of Underworld Corp. she may be, and Hades may have delegated so much of the Underworld Kingdom's governance to her the past few centuries to be more a figurehead than an actual king in fact, but still. Condemning his girlfriend without his authorization was probably out-of-bounds for Hecate, and Hades showed no signs he'd overrule her lenience and give Tisiphone better instructions: he stood motionless, mouth held open by gravity and his eyes focused somewhere beyond the hallway's confines.

Minthe stirred slightly as Tisiphone pulled her towards the elevator to escort her out the building and off corporate grounds. Tisiphone would have perked up at the chance to rough up a resisting prisoner, but

  1. The nymph's movements didn't feel like the start of any real resistance, not that any resistance she could offer would ever work against the oldest Fury

  2. That particular individual would crumble far too quickly for Tisiphone to really have any fun

  3. Hades might object if he came to his senses

  4. Hecate might object if she was paying them attention anymore

  5. She was tired, dammit, and now Hecate wanted to have some kind of meeting with her after this too before she could get home and shower, so it didn't seem worth the trouble.




“But, w-wait, I just want to talk to him,” the now-trembling prisoner blurted and Tisiphone couldn't keep the disgust off her face. Megaera had gotten herself worked up over this fool? “Talk to him”, like she hadn't already had the chance and abused it.

Even as the goddess frog-marched her to the elevator, Minthe turned her mascara-streaked face towards Hades. “I need – I need to apologize,” she moaned.

Tisiphone mentally vomitted. “Not today,” she intoned. Her hair uncoiled to press the down button for the elevator, since she had both hands on her prisoner. And if some of her hair rested on her prisoner's neck and hissed a warning in her ear, that was purely to help ensure compliance.

The elevator's door opened and Tisiphone shoved Minthe in, stepping through after her and glancing at the small daemon who was attendant for this elevator. “First floor,” she said, “Express service, ignore all floor calls on the way. This is a Security matter, lock-out code Λ-31A.”

The attendant's eyes widened. “Uh, yes ma'am!” he squeaked, fumbling with the elevator's controls. Of course a Tower 3 elevator attendant wouldn't be familiar with security protocols like the Tower 1 or Tower 4 attendants.

“I'm sorry,” Minthe whispered, then louder: “I'm sorry. Tell him I'm sorry! Please, he has to know, tell him I'm sorry!” She reached out to Tisiphone imploringly.

That was a mistake, and Minthe found herself briefly hanging in the air, then slamming into the elevator floor as Tisiphone threw her.

“Bitch, please,” the angry Fury hissed, cranking a full nelson on the now-wimpering nymph. “I've been hearing apologies and remorse and too-late regret since before Hades was born. And were you really going to touch me with that hand? I know what you did with it. Hey!” she bounced Minthe's forehead on the floor. “Pay attention. I think you should be a shade bound for Tartarus right now, and I have had a long, shitty night so do not try me. Got it?”

Minthe sobbed, but said nothing.

“I said, do you understand me?”

“Ow, yes!”

“Good,” Tisiphone said and hauled Minthe to her feet. “And keep your filthy hand to yourself I don't need you rubbing your crime all over me – and if you try to hit me you will fail and I will kill you.” She chewed at her lip. “I don't understand why the Boss didn't. But if you want to keep it that way, piece of advice? Learn to tell the truth before you try apologizing to him.”

“What? I can tell the truth!”

“And I can keep from kicking someone's ass. That doesn't mean kicking ass isn't what I do. And what you do, Minthe, is lie. Probably to yourself most of all, I don't think you talk to anyone else enough to have time to tell all the lies I can smell on you.”

“All the what you can what?” she heard from the corner of the ceiling, and Tisiphone rolled her eyes and flicked a hair tongue at the cowering attendant.

“Kid, are you an idiot or just new here?”

“Uh, well, I mean, I've been here almost three”

“Not important!” Hades was just too soft-hearted, keeping elevator attendants in Towers 2 & 3 just so fewer total incompetents would be unemployed. At least in Tower 4 their contribution to security was somewhat needed, and in Tower 1 they were a nicely decorative addition to the atmosphere – and probably stroked some egos. “God-dess” she over-ennunciated. “I have Powers. Look me up. Anyway, Minthe, you better mean it if you tell the Boss you're sorry, or you can be a present for my sister.”

She waved some hair at the daemon to open the stopped elevator's door, pushed Minthe ahead of her into the lobby, and strode forward, the shorter nymph struggling to keep Tisiphone's boots off her heels. “Now come on, I'm taking you off the Corporate Grounds. Make a scene and I'll hurt you.”

“But my car's in the Tower 1 deck.”

“And it will still be there if you get to come back.”

“How will I get home?”

If this is what she wanted to focus on instead of the stares from the whispering ladies at the front desk, Tisiphone could play along.

“Walk, bitch. Or take a cab. Or call a friend for a ride. If you have any of those, I doubt it. Nobody likes you, Minthe. And the Boss has better women than you desperate to replace you.”

“Who, that dumb pink bimbooooooooh! Put me down! Put me down!”

They'd reached the door and exited the building, so Tisiphone had allowed her wings to form and had taken flight with Minthe.

“Ok!” she practically chirped and let go of Minthe with her left hand. The nymph fell, swinging by the arm still gripped in Tisiphone's right hand.

“No! No! Please don't drop me!”

The fear – and no doubt shoulder pain – on Minthe's face was invigorating, and Tisiphone gave her a wide fangy smile. “Oh, please. We aren't high enough for a fall to kill you. And my sister would take way too long to forgive me if I killed you so she couldn't.”

Minthe's eyes were wide.

“I told you, better women than you want Hades. As for Pinky, Megaera said she was kind to her, which you've never been. So if Pinky wants the King, she's on the list too.” At that, Tisiphone let go with her right hand. Minthe's panic was delightful though short since they had crossed over the Underworld Corp. perimeter and Tisiphone had drifted to where Minthe's toes were only a few feet off the ground. She stumbled on landing nonetheless and fell to her hands and knees as Tisiphone circled in front of her giggling softly.

The Fury alighted and waited as Minthe pushed herself back upright – and then doubled over in breathless pain as the goddess's fist found her diaphragm.

“You deserve worse,” Tisiphone said and started walking back to the tower complex. “Begone, Minthe.”


	2. Chapter 2

Tisiphone sauntered through the main entrance of the Underworld Corp. headquarters with more pep than she actually felt. “I know, I know, trash is supposed to go out a service entrance,” she snickered to the front desk.

Knowing the King, Hecate would be busy with him for a little while, so rather than wait at Hecate's office Tisiphone went to her own grab her keys and coat. As soon as she was done with Hecate, she should (barring another surprise assignment) be able to head straight for the parking deck and go home. Hopefully the meeting would be short.

When Tisiphone got back to the lobby (note for Monday if the line was short enough: bridges between the towers, or at least landing platforms and doors for flight-capable employees), she found a line of one at the Tower 1 elevators.

“Hera,” she muttered, “Why did it have to be Hera?”

The golden goddess must have heard her, because before Tisiphone could back away and wait for the next elevator, Hera greeted her. “Hello, Tisiphone. It's been awhile.”

“Hera,” Tisiphone acknowledged. “Why are you here?”

“Just visiting my brother-in-law,” Hera said.

“He doesn't need to see you,” Tisiphone said. _I don't want to see you_ , she thought.

“Well, Hecate disagrees and since Hecate's his best friend and your boss, I think I'll go with what she says,” Hera replied. “And besides, I can check up on the intern I sent him while I'm here. I would hate for him to not be making the fullest and best use of her talents.”

Tisiphone snorted and clenched her fists at her hips. She knew it would be bad to let herself be goaded into a fight, but her bloodlust was so very easily aroused.

The elevator dinged.

Tisiphone stepped in front of Hera to get on the elevator first. Once inside, the two stood apart on either side of the elevator.

“99th floor.”

“Same.”

“My pleasure, Your Majesty, Lady Tisiphone,” the attendant said.

The ride up was silent, each goddess studiously avoiding the other's eyes and the attendant maintaining a professional silence until “Floor 99! Executive suites.”

Tisiphone was ready with a coin from her coat pocket, leaving Hera fumbling at her handbag for a tip as she stepped out of the elevator and admired her own work at the empty desk which had been Minthe's. Her hair spread out around her head, tongues flicking rapidly as she searched for evidence she might be able to use to convince Hades to have Minthe executed.

“At least I got this bitch away from him,” she announced as she heard the elevator door close.”

“Excuse me?” Hera said.

“I said, 'at least I got this bitch away from him,” Tisiphone told her.

“You mean Minthe?”

“Sure, I mean Minthe. If Hecate invited you I guess she told you what that one did to Hades. I removed her from the grounds, but she's still alive and free.” One hair eyed Hera, but Tisiphone's face was to the empty chair. Her back was straight, her shoulders stiff.

“Well, we can hope that changes,” Hera said softly, then changed the subject. “Tisiphone, I'm not stupid.”

“Huh.”

“I'm not, and I know you were calling me a bitch too.”

“Because you are.”

“I didn't think you would hold a grudge over me turning you down like this. Wasn't I just a youthfull obsession you outgrew?”

Tisiphone turned to Hera. “Don't flatter yourself, Olympian. You  **were** just a youthful phase I grew out of eighteen hundred years ago. I haven't been upset about it in just as long.”

“Then why am I a bitch, Tisiphone?” Hera asked. “Why do you hate me? You sure didn't seem to when you were offering me ugly trinkets and abysmal poetry.”

Tisiphone glared at Hera with all her eyes. “Because I can't think of a woman I'd be more ashamed to have thought I was in love with than you, Hera, and for 1800 years I've been disgusted and pissed that it was you I lost my reason over and threw myself at. I'm glad you turned me down, it would have been worse when I was over you if you hadn't. I'd hate to have ever been shitty enough for you to want.”

Hera's face fell. Tweaking her strange one-time would-be seductress was supposed to have been fun. “Wow, petty insults for no reason. How mature.”

“No reason?” the Fury spat out, “How's this for a reason? You know as well as I do that Zeus is not the husband I should have been trying to steal you from, oh great Queen of Olympus.” A wave of righteous anger, palpable to Hera, flowed forth from Tisiphone as her wings sprouted and flared out to her sides. Tisiphone's wingtips curved forward at Hera like black talons and her hair hissed and struck at the air. “Marriage Goddess, married to the least fit of those kings but still stringing along the best of them – and I got a fixation on you! Me, the first goddess of justice and punishment! It only could have been worse if I'd obsessed over Zeus himself! Tell me, did you help him plan that fratricidal gambit he pulled on Hades or just help him execute it?”

Hera met the Fury's glare with blowtorch eyes. “You think Zeus tried to murder Hades and I helped? Did you fuck up and afflict yourself with madness by mistake?”

“Why else don't Aidoneus and Hera reign on Olympus? He should have taken his father's place and you two wanted to marry each other. But Zeus broke him. He would have been a good man, a good King, a good husband and father. Zeus could never be any of those things. Instead Zeus finished what Kronos started on his mind and spirit then sent him down here hoping he'd suicide out of existence! Zeus turned my home into a curse for Hades!” Tisiphone was screaming now, the red spreading from her eye sockets to her cheeks and venom dripping freely from her hair's mouths. “And you, Hera, chose to be Zeus's wife! You married Zeus, you became his number one accomplice.”

“You don't know what you're talking about! I haven't helped Zeus with anything and I have never done anything to Hades but give him friendship, love, and comfort!”

“You're lying just as bad as that pathetic little nymph who used to sit here!” Tisiphone pointed at the desk.

“How dare you compare me to Minthe!”

Golden light began to coalesce around Hera's hands, but before either goddess could (further) violate the Olympus/Underworld peace treaty, Hecate intervened. Only one Hecate emerged from Hades's office, but two Hecates placed hands soothingly (and restrainingly) on the enraged goddess's shoulders.

“Girls, please clam down,” Hecate spoke in stereo. “I'm sorry there was no-one to greet you, but I was tending to Hades and there hasn't been time to get him a new PA yet. And I didn't think you two would arrive together, or that it would be such a problem to leave you alone with each other.”

Now speaking in mono, just one Hecate standing between the two much younger goddesses. “Hera, thank you so much for coming. Minthe really did a number on Hades. She hit him and said some things that really messed up his head. He's still not entirely present but I'm sure seeing you will do wonders for him when he's back.”

“Yeah, go try to fix the man you helped ruin!”

“Tisiphone, my office, NOW!” a clawed hand pointed.

“Fine, I'm going!” Tisiphone said and began to walk that way. “But it's her fault he was ever even with Minthe!” she called back over one winged shoulder, her upraised finger held above the other.

“Queen Hera, on behalf of the Underworld Kingdom and the Underworld Corporation, I apologize for Tisiphone's egregious and inhospitable words. She will be punished. I know Hades has always enjoyed his time with you and I greatly appreciate, as I'm sure he will too, your gracious generosity in coming to his aid and succor, especially with no notice and your no doubt very busy schedule,” Hecate quickly recited.

Hera sighed and smiled weakly at Hecate. “So formal! Don't you think you're putting it on a little thick?”

“Just a little. But I really do think you'll be good to see after how Minthe hurt him, I really do appreciate you coming down here, and I really am so sorry about Tisiphone. What I heard was quite rude.”

“It's alright, Hecate. Some of it stings a little to hear, but I know you can only expect so much from someone like her. And after all, mostly she's tarring me with guilt by association with Zeus, and how can I be mad with a woman who says bad things about Zeus?” Her smile was crooked now. “He really is a fuck-boi.”

Hecate's answering smile was fanged. “That he is. I won't be too harsh on her, then, but she violated hospitality and you're Hades's friend. Anyway, he'll probably need a few more minutes before he comes to. Would you like any refreshments while you wait?”

“I'll find something in his office bar. Thanks, Hecate,” Hera said, and the two separated: Hera entering Hades's office and Hecate heading to her own.


	3. Chapter 3

Tisiphone was stalking her shadow in Hecate's office when Hecate arrived.

“Tisiphone, I have already suspended one violently immature woman this morning” Hecate said without preamble, “Do I need to make it two? I wanted you to come up here to talk about the Minthe situation before you left, not violate hospitality and pick a fight with the Queen of the Gods!”

“She is not 'Queen of the Gods',” Tisiphone replied, “there's no such thing! She's not my queen, or your queen, or my sisters' queen or my mom's or Hades's or anybody else's who doesn't kiss Zeus's ass and live in Olympus. That sanctimonious cow's only claim to any sort of queenship is through the tool she married and he is not the king of 'the Gods', he's king of 'the heavens' – and only those...”

Hecate could feel her eye twitching.

“...the Boss needs to pull his head out of his ass and make that purple pustule stop pretending to be anything more than that! Or else get out of my way and let me deal with Zeus properly. Give me 15 minutes, Hecate, that's all I need and I can have that worthless backstabber's skull and balls in Tartarus chained up next to his father where he belongs! Maybe if we keep Zeus locked up in there for a few centuries the Boss can get his shit together and act like a real king finally...”

Hecate pinched the bridge of her nose.

“...Three brothers who would be three independent kings of three independent realms with a fourth realm shared equally between all three, that was what they agreed to but Zeus has been breaking the agreement from day one. With his brothers, Hecate! You know he'd have left Hades in Kronos if he could have, and barring that he's done nothing but rob Hades and poison his mind until he's so broken down that he doesn't even care that he's so much less than he should be...”

Hecate walked to her desk and slumped into her chair, letting Tisiphone rant. It was generally the easiest way of dealing with an angry Fury, assuming the subject of her rage wasn't available for her to solve it physically: wait the tantrum out and then deal with her when she was less energetic and more reasonable.

“... Zeus stole his brother's glory, he stole his brother's honor, he stole his brother's share of the mortal realm, and you know he's the one who started all the lies about Hades and the Underworld that have all the mortals terrified of dying whether they lived good lives or bad. He's slandered his oldest brother, who is our king, and his realm, which is our home. Our home, Hecate, and now he's calling himself King of the Gods and making everyone think he's Hades's superior...”

Hecate hung her head forward and rubbed her forehead with her thumbs, her elbows planted on her desk as she tried to stop the incipient headache. “Do you have a point?” she asked, idly wondering if Tisiphone would even notice.

“My point is that Zeus has done absolutely everything he possibly could to destroy Hades ever since the war. I didn't fight in it so some unmitigated jackass could enrich himself at his brother's expense for two thousand years and I don't think you did either! And if I wanted that asshole to be my king I'd move to Olympus, wouldn't you? Except neither of us would do that because we both know Zeus is a shit king and he's always been a shit king and he was only ever going to be a shit king because he's shit. He's just shitty shit who's always been shit at everything except passing himself off as not shit and making Hades feel like shit.”

Hecate pounced, sensing that Tisiphone's suddenly reduced vocabulary meant her tantrum had climaxed. “Excellent point, Tisiphone! Have a seat, let's talk about it.”

“Huh? Really?”

“No, it's a terrible point, but have a seat anyway.”

“How am I wrong, Hecate? Zeus is terrible!”

“You're not wrong about Zeus. But Tisiphone, dear, Zeus,” she held up one hand, “and Hera,” she held up the other, “are not the same!”

“Ha ha,” Tisiphone said, “I know that. But Zeus is evil scum and Hera's loyal to him. Trust me, I know.”

Hecate cocked an eyebrow. “Tisiphone, do you have a... personal history... with Hera?”

“No, I never slept with Hera.”

“That wasn't the question, dear.” Hecate's grin became sharp and toothy. Tisiphone must be done to have slipped like that. “But it was a very informative answer!”

Tisiphone huffed unhappily and slouched over, arms crossed and hair slumping. “Ugh, fine! Ok. You know how I used to get obsessed with someone new every few centuries, just utterly fixated on her and convinced the Fates had decided we would be together for eternity and she loved me as much I loved her, and after a few years or a decade I'd come to my senses and realize it was a completely absurd delusion and she'd never shown any interest in me and I really didn't want to be with her for any good reason?”

“No.”

“Well, I did. My sisters did too. Well, Megaera still does, she hasn't grown of it it yet. Alecto and I keep hoping she has, but then she starts babbling about how some new man's started giving her all these signs that they have 'such a deep connection'. Anyway,” a yawn, “Excuse me. I've been up too long. This whole Tartarus clean-up, I really think you give some normal landscapers a temporary clearance. I can guard them, whatever, just please, clearing a forest? It's an inefficient use of my talents and abilities and not properly my responsibility.”

“Yes, I read Alecto's memo. I see she coached you. Our topic is Hera?”

“Dammit. Ugh, I hate talking about this. Hera was one of my fixations a long time ago. I threw myself at her pretty blatantly and I bounced hard. It would just be a funny little embarassing story like most of them are, except, you know, Zeus's wife. So it was just horribly shameful and I don't like to think about it or her, because what sort of crap woman sticks with a crap man like Zeus? Hera, that's who, so wanting her made me crap and I shouldn't be crap, crap is what I beat out of crappy people. Like Minthe. Can we talk about Minthe now? I want to go home, I need a shower and a nap.”

“Ok. I'll have to punish you for violating hospitality--”

“I knooow! Not that she deserves hospitality”

“--But Hera did ask for leniency, so the matter is closed. Now, about Minthe.”

“Still alive and intact, I barely even bruised her. I removed her from the grounds, her car's still in the garage.”

“Ok. Did anyone see you?”

“Yeah, there's elevator attendants and I took her out the lobby.” Several pieces of Tisiphone's hair rolled their eyes while she yawned. “I guess I could kill all the witnesses before I go home.”

“That won't be necessary, Tisiphone. I trust you didn't tell any of them why you were removing her?”

“No, but I'm going to tell my sister when I get home. Megaera's been moping about Minthe 'stealing her man,'” Tisiphone made air quotes, “for days.”

“What do you mean?” Hecate asked.

“I told you,” yawn, “She still gets obsessed with men she thinks are her Fates-chosen One True Love. She's been stuck on the King for years, so she should be getting over him soon but it's so annoying to listen to until.... she does. Are you ok, Hecate?”

The older goddess's face was horror-stricken. “Are you telling me that at some point Megaera is going to start having fits with Hades like you just did with Hera? That's a serious problem for Underworld Security and for Evil Shade Punishment operations!” She started going through scenarios in her mind. Best case, she thought, they would only have to fire Megaera, which would mean reduced efficiency in two departments even if the other two didn't stage a strike or slow-down in protest, and worst case would mean putting a security detail on Hades while hunting down at least one rogue Fury, which would be a difficult and high-casualty effort even in the unlikely event the other two – or worse, their mother – didn't help her.

“What? No, were you even listening to me? Hera's different because of her jackass dirtbag husband. I've never been any trouble with Styx, have I? Or Alecto with Charon or you... know, whoever.”

Tisiphone's attempt to cover her slip didn't escape Hecate's notice. “Alecto and me?”

“See, you never even knew! Usually nobody does except us, especially with Megaera because I don't think she's ever acted on it. But I did get to have a nice time with Aphrodite, and I think Alecto got together with Poseidon or Amphitrite, I can never remember which of them she was hooked on. Point is, nothing to worry about! Megaera will get over Hades eventually without him ever knowing she was so pathetically stuck on him she thought he was sending her signals by sneezing. Just like you never knew Alecto wanted you.” Tisiphone shrugged and added, “A long, long time ago, by the way. She has no interest like that in you whatsoever anymore. Any relationship she wants with you these days is just friendship and mutual appreciation for life with a stick up your ass. Can I go home yet?”

Hecate's Fury-induced headache had long left 'incipient' behind in favor of 'throbbing'. “Yes,” she said, “Go home. Now. Please. You're suspended without pay for two days, docked three more days' pay, and you get a week with a Punishment Shirt. Now please get out of my office.”

“I lose a week's pay? Fine, fine. But since this is all Minthe's fault can I take it out of her skin?”

“Absolutely not! This is your punishment for lacking self-control and fighting with a Guest, whatever your reason for it. You are to leave Minthe alone, Tisiphone. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Hecate, I understand,” Tisiphone said. Only one of her hairs rolled its eyes this time. “I will leave that pathetic lying brat alone.”

“Good, now go,” Hecate shooed Tisiphone toward the door with one hand, her other already rummaging in a desk drawer for her personal variety pack blend of pain pills.

Tisiphone made it to the bottom of Tower 1 without running into Hera again, which enabled her to smirk gloatingly in the levator at having put two over on Hecate. With all the overtime she'd worked dealing with those stupid fucking trees she wouldn't mind a four day weekend or miss the three days' regular pay (especially since she wouldn't be working any overtime those days). And Hecate had only said _she_ had to leave Minthe alone – not that her sisters did, or that she couldn't tell Megaera the good news.

She waved to the front desk as she left the lobby, her smirk turning into a genuine (albeit tired) smile as she entered the employee garage. She took her cell phone out and hit “Spare #2” on the speed dial as she walked to her car, idly wondering if her sister would pick up or not.

“What do you waaaaant?” Megaera whined hoarsely when she answered.

“Good morning, Mopey,” Tisiphone said, pinning her phone against her ear with some hair as she got in her car. “I'm heading home for a shower and a nap, but then we are going out tonight to celebrate!”

“There's nothing to celebrate! My life is pointless misery, that vile demoness bewitched her claws into my sweet wonderful Hadespoo and now he's with her and not meeee!” Megaera wailed.

“Really, he's with her?” Tisiphone said with exaggerated wonderment, backing her convertible out of the parking space marked 'Thanatos'. “Huh. Well, let me tell you about my morning.”

“I don't care about your stupid morning, Tisiphone. I'm hanging up.”

“But then you won't hear who I got to remove from the premises! I'll give you a hint: she's red, she's a nymph, and you hate her.”

Silence over the phone. Then, “Really? This isn't a joke?”

“Really. I told you, I'm taking you out to celebrate tonigh. After I get some sleep.”

“Oh my gods oh my gods oh sweet Gaia this is wonderful oh I can finally be with him oh he'll need cheering up now that she's gone... wait, did you get to kill her? Did you kill Minthe? That's so unfair, you know how much I wanted to kill her! I can't believe you got to kill Minthe!”

“I'll tell you tonight. Bye!” Tisiphone said and hung up the phone, then turned it off and tossed it in the passenger seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this took so long for me to write and then get posted that Episode 103 happened, so I guess Chapter 1 is technically an AU now. Oh well.


End file.
